First date conversation
A common fear for people new to the dating scene is, 'What if I dry up and don't have anything to say?'
It's worthwhile preparing ahead of the date to keep the conversation flowing. Firstly, think about conversation icebreakers. Don't be afraid of starting off with the obvious such as:
* How was your journey here?, or
* How has your day been?
Then move on to more interesting conversation and if you've met or spoken to the person before, pick up a previous topic.
Follow the golden conversational rule of using open questions beginning with, how, what, when and why. Avoid closed questions, which elicit no's and yes's, these usually start with, 'Do', and 'Is/Are'
People usually love to talk about themselves so ask questions that allow them to do this, such as:
* What do you enjoy doing outside of work?
* What's most important to you in your life?
* Where do you like to go on holiday?
In a dating conversation men will tend to speak more than women. This is because women are generally better listeners. As a woman on a first date, make sure that you get your points across and don't be afraid of interrupting to do so. Guys – make sure you take a breather and allow your date to speak.
As important as what to say on a first date, is what not to say. Avoid mention of ex's and if the other person asks, keep your answer brief. There is plenty of time for this subject, if you continue seeing each other. Also keep conversation relatively light and avoid politics and religion.
What to wear on a first date
Like conversation, plan in advance.
Men - Women are generally impressed by men who have taken some effort over their appearance. Pay attention to the basics such as shaving, ironing your shirt and smelling nice without drowning yourself in aftershave. Don't wear the clothes you feel most comfortable in. If this means an old pair of trousers and t-shirt - make an effort, wear something smart, and match trousers, shirts and shoes. Women have a keen eye for shoes, so make sure yours are polished!
Women - the same rules apply in terms of making an effort for your date. However, understatement can be far more appealing than overplaying it with a killer sexy outfit. Plunging necklines have become commonplace but you may want your date to make eye contact rather than have their eyes glued to your cleavage all night.
General rules for a first date include looking smart and presentable but keeping your more daring and sexy outfits to potential later dates - when you've got to know each other better.
Where to go on a first date
Where to go can depend on how well you have got to know your first date. If you are going on a relatively 'blind' date, it is best to arrange a shorter date, such as lunch or coffee. It's always good to have something planned after the date so that you have an excuse to leave, just in case conversation isn't flowing.
If you've already met your date at a party or through friends and you know there is chemistry, then it could be better to plan a longer date. Going for dinner is the top choice for most first dates since it allows for lots of conversation. Be careful to choose somewhere quiet enough you hear each other but with enough of an atmosphere so that you're not completely on your own.
An activity based first date can also be a good way of finding out about each other and provides focus, if conversation dries up. One of my most imaginative first dates was when an ex invited me to go sailing – quite apt for a sailing instructor and very fun for me!
Don't plan too adventurous or quirky first dates unless you already know the person fairly well. Like adventurous outfits, they are best kept for when you've got to know each other better.
Kiss on the first date?
Obviously, if you've already kissed when you met at a party, club or bar then it makes sense to continue with the tradition. If you are meeting your date for the first time apply caution. A friendly kiss on the cheek shows respect and warmth. Tread very carefully when kissing a first date on the lips. You really need to be sure that this intimate gesture will be appreciated; otherwise it could seriously backfire.
Your setting for the kiss also plays a part. We feel more comfortable kissing on a first date in darker surroundings where there is less risk of being spotted. The best things in life are often worth waiting for and so much better when we get them – just like a first kiss after a couple of dates!
