Dating Tip 1 - It’s a numbers game
You must meet lots of potential partners.
You aren’t going to be compatible with everyone. In fact you’re likely to be truly compatible with less than 0.2% of people. So there’s no point dating a few times, feeling rejected because you haven’t found someone to have a relationship with and giving up.
You can put all the following dating tips into practice, you can have the flirting skills of Sean Connery, the conversational skills of Davina McCall, but if you aren’t making yourself available for a significant number of dates, you’re never going to win the dating game.
If you aren’t out there looking for dates or going on dates 2 or 3 times a week, ask yourself why?
Dating Tip 2 – Where to find dates
There are great places to go and rubbish places to find loads of potential dates. It comes back to numbers again.
If you don’t like socialising, or going on dating events and prefer to meet people through your hobbies – you’d better make sure you’re hobby is not Bolivian stamp collecting. Find the best places to get the big numbers of potential dates and use them.
If you shy away from using the best places, you’re seriously reducing your chances of finding great dates and relationships.
Dating Tip 3 – Make a great first impression
Whether your potential date sees you first in a photograph, across a speed dating table or in a dingily lit bar, you’d better be looking your best if you’re out and about.
For those gifted few, style and taste come naturally. They know their body shapes, how best to disguise and emphasise. If you aren’t sure if you’ve got those skills naturally, I’d suggest getting a makeover. At least then you’ll have the principles nailed down of what you should and shouldn’t wear. And it makes a big difference.
The very first hurdle that everyone faces in the dating game is that of physical attraction. You can substantially increase or slash your physical attractiveness by what you wear and if what you’re wearing isn’t doing you any favours you are unwittingly shedding lots of potential dates.
If you can’t afford a makeover, get Trinny and Susannah’s first book (What Not to Wear) and get your friends to confirm your body shape and colour choices according to their principles.
Dating Tip 4 – Getting to meet your date
Ideally you’d always be in an environment where meeting your date is a natural situation. That’s why night classes or friends parties are great – the introductions happen more naturally.
However, if you’re out at a bar or see someone in the street that you would kill to meet, then you’re going to need to approach them and introduce yourself.
Again, like style, some people are able to do this naturally and without fear. If you’re not one of them, I’d suggest you learn what you need to do improve your ability to approach people. Let’s be honest, there’s only so many friends parties and night classes you can go to – and most of the opportunities to meet potential dates happen outside of them.
Dating Tip 5 – Dating conversation matters
Let’s assume you both fancy each other physically. The most important thing that decides whether the two of you will end up on a date together is your compatibility. However, it is possible for you to be compatible but still not hit it off. How?
Because your conversation fails you.
If you get tongue tied when you talk to gorgeous looking people or if the content of what you say is drier than a dog biscuit, you may be missing out on partners who you’d get on brilliantly with if only you could get past that first introduction.
Great dating conversation is a learnable skill – all it takes is following a few key principles and a bit of practice.
Dating Tip 6 – Knowing if they're interested
So you've met them, you're having fun - but are they interested in you? What are you going to do? Ask them?!
No. But they're already telling you everything you need to know with their body language. The flirting signals they're giving out and the way they are using their body tells you everything you need to know about whether it's a go or a no show for your first date. If flirting is like a foreign language to you - learn it.
Dating Tip 7 – Asking for the date
Men– you need to do the asking. You don’t need to be too blatant – although if you have no problems with handling rejection it’s fine to say, ‘I’d like to see you again, what are you doing on Thursday night’.
However, if you don’t want to stick your neck on the block, one method is to offer her opportunities to join you in something you’re ‘already doing’. Of course, you needn’t already be doing something, but you can make out that you are. E.g. ‘Yeah, I’m going to the theatre this weekend and I’ve got a spare ticket, do you know anyone that would be interested in seeing Les Miserables?’ If she’s interested – she’ll jump at the chance, even if she detests Les Mis.
Women - it’s not generally well received to ask men out. Although some of us would love it rather than having to do the asking all the time, it can upset the dynamic of the relationship from the start. Most men like to be the hunter.
You’re best tack then is to make it known, that you’d love to go out with them. For example, ‘You play Rugby! I’d love to see a rugby match. I’ve just never had anyone to take me along’. Again, if he’s interested, he’ll jump at the chance.
Dating Tip 8 – How are you getting on?
Are you getting all the dates that you need? Are you out on dates 2 or 3 nights a week looking for potential partners? Are you able to convert at least 50% of the people you fancy into a second date if you choose?
Often it’s very difficult to either see or admit to yourself if your dating isn’t going very well. It’s also even more difficult to determine why it’s not going so well.
Sometimes it’s as simple as going back through these dating tips to see where you’re falling down in terms of numbers. Are you meeting lots of potential partners but just not getting asked out? Are you getting lots of first dates but very few seconds?
Work out where you’re losing the numbers and you’ll be able to trace more easily where you need to take action to improve your dating skills.
If you know where your problem lies but you don’t know why then you can always seek the advice of an expert relationship coach.
Dating Tip 9 – Picking a suitable partner
If you’re just out for fun or a fling, you don’t need to worry too much about this stage. But if you’re ultimately looking for a serious relationship, marriage even, then you need to know who a suitable partner is for you.
This is a critical step – the most critical of all the dating tips if you’re looking to find your Mr. Right or your Miss Right. To prevent yourself getting into a relationship of problems or long term relationship splits then you need a clear picture of
1. Who your ideal partner is,
2. Who you need to be to attract that partner, and
3. Where and how to find them.
I know when you’re dating or even struggling to find suitable dates this step can seem kind of irrelevant, but it’s a million times easier to work this out up front than waiting till you’re in a relationship and then trying to work out if they’re right for you.
Dating Tip 10 – Turning dates into relationships
Honestly, this will tend to happen naturally. But the advantage of taking step 9 and working out up front who your perfect partner is, is that you can very quickly decide whether the person you’re with will make you happy long term or whether they have some traits that will drive you nuts. You’ll be able to ask the questions and look for the signs of whether this person really is your ideal partner.
If they’re not, you’ve just saved yourself months, if not years of being stuck in a relationship that was doomed to fail from the start.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
First date
First date conversation
A common fear for people new to the dating scene is, 'What if I dry up and don't have anything to say?'
It's worthwhile preparing ahead of the date to keep the conversation flowing. Firstly, think about conversation icebreakers. Don't be afraid of starting off with the obvious such as:
* How was your journey here?, or
* How has your day been?
Then move on to more interesting conversation and if you've met or spoken to the person before, pick up a previous topic.
Follow the golden conversational rule of using open questions beginning with, how, what, when and why. Avoid closed questions, which elicit no's and yes's, these usually start with, 'Do', and 'Is/Are'
People usually love to talk about themselves so ask questions that allow them to do this, such as:
* What do you enjoy doing outside of work?
* What's most important to you in your life?
* Where do you like to go on holiday?
In a dating conversation men will tend to speak more than women. This is because women are generally better listeners. As a woman on a first date, make sure that you get your points across and don't be afraid of interrupting to do so. Guys – make sure you take a breather and allow your date to speak.
As important as what to say on a first date, is what not to say. Avoid mention of ex's and if the other person asks, keep your answer brief. There is plenty of time for this subject, if you continue seeing each other. Also keep conversation relatively light and avoid politics and religion.
What to wear on a first date
Like conversation, plan in advance.
Men - Women are generally impressed by men who have taken some effort over their appearance. Pay attention to the basics such as shaving, ironing your shirt and smelling nice without drowning yourself in aftershave. Don't wear the clothes you feel most comfortable in. If this means an old pair of trousers and t-shirt - make an effort, wear something smart, and match trousers, shirts and shoes. Women have a keen eye for shoes, so make sure yours are polished!
Women - the same rules apply in terms of making an effort for your date. However, understatement can be far more appealing than overplaying it with a killer sexy outfit. Plunging necklines have become commonplace but you may want your date to make eye contact rather than have their eyes glued to your cleavage all night.
General rules for a first date include looking smart and presentable but keeping your more daring and sexy outfits to potential later dates - when you've got to know each other better.
Where to go on a first date
Where to go can depend on how well you have got to know your first date. If you are going on a relatively 'blind' date, it is best to arrange a shorter date, such as lunch or coffee. It's always good to have something planned after the date so that you have an excuse to leave, just in case conversation isn't flowing.
If you've already met your date at a party or through friends and you know there is chemistry, then it could be better to plan a longer date. Going for dinner is the top choice for most first dates since it allows for lots of conversation. Be careful to choose somewhere quiet enough you hear each other but with enough of an atmosphere so that you're not completely on your own.
An activity based first date can also be a good way of finding out about each other and provides focus, if conversation dries up. One of my most imaginative first dates was when an ex invited me to go sailing – quite apt for a sailing instructor and very fun for me!
Don't plan too adventurous or quirky first dates unless you already know the person fairly well. Like adventurous outfits, they are best kept for when you've got to know each other better.
Kiss on the first date?
Obviously, if you've already kissed when you met at a party, club or bar then it makes sense to continue with the tradition. If you are meeting your date for the first time apply caution. A friendly kiss on the cheek shows respect and warmth. Tread very carefully when kissing a first date on the lips. You really need to be sure that this intimate gesture will be appreciated; otherwise it could seriously backfire.
Your setting for the kiss also plays a part. We feel more comfortable kissing on a first date in darker surroundings where there is less risk of being spotted. The best things in life are often worth waiting for and so much better when we get them – just like a first kiss after a couple of dates!
A common fear for people new to the dating scene is, 'What if I dry up and don't have anything to say?'
It's worthwhile preparing ahead of the date to keep the conversation flowing. Firstly, think about conversation icebreakers. Don't be afraid of starting off with the obvious such as:
* How was your journey here?, or
* How has your day been?
Then move on to more interesting conversation and if you've met or spoken to the person before, pick up a previous topic.
Follow the golden conversational rule of using open questions beginning with, how, what, when and why. Avoid closed questions, which elicit no's and yes's, these usually start with, 'Do', and 'Is/Are'
People usually love to talk about themselves so ask questions that allow them to do this, such as:
* What do you enjoy doing outside of work?
* What's most important to you in your life?
* Where do you like to go on holiday?
In a dating conversation men will tend to speak more than women. This is because women are generally better listeners. As a woman on a first date, make sure that you get your points across and don't be afraid of interrupting to do so. Guys – make sure you take a breather and allow your date to speak.
As important as what to say on a first date, is what not to say. Avoid mention of ex's and if the other person asks, keep your answer brief. There is plenty of time for this subject, if you continue seeing each other. Also keep conversation relatively light and avoid politics and religion.
What to wear on a first date
Like conversation, plan in advance.
Men - Women are generally impressed by men who have taken some effort over their appearance. Pay attention to the basics such as shaving, ironing your shirt and smelling nice without drowning yourself in aftershave. Don't wear the clothes you feel most comfortable in. If this means an old pair of trousers and t-shirt - make an effort, wear something smart, and match trousers, shirts and shoes. Women have a keen eye for shoes, so make sure yours are polished!
Women - the same rules apply in terms of making an effort for your date. However, understatement can be far more appealing than overplaying it with a killer sexy outfit. Plunging necklines have become commonplace but you may want your date to make eye contact rather than have their eyes glued to your cleavage all night.
General rules for a first date include looking smart and presentable but keeping your more daring and sexy outfits to potential later dates - when you've got to know each other better.
Where to go on a first date
Where to go can depend on how well you have got to know your first date. If you are going on a relatively 'blind' date, it is best to arrange a shorter date, such as lunch or coffee. It's always good to have something planned after the date so that you have an excuse to leave, just in case conversation isn't flowing.
If you've already met your date at a party or through friends and you know there is chemistry, then it could be better to plan a longer date. Going for dinner is the top choice for most first dates since it allows for lots of conversation. Be careful to choose somewhere quiet enough you hear each other but with enough of an atmosphere so that you're not completely on your own.
An activity based first date can also be a good way of finding out about each other and provides focus, if conversation dries up. One of my most imaginative first dates was when an ex invited me to go sailing – quite apt for a sailing instructor and very fun for me!
Don't plan too adventurous or quirky first dates unless you already know the person fairly well. Like adventurous outfits, they are best kept for when you've got to know each other better.
Kiss on the first date?
Obviously, if you've already kissed when you met at a party, club or bar then it makes sense to continue with the tradition. If you are meeting your date for the first time apply caution. A friendly kiss on the cheek shows respect and warmth. Tread very carefully when kissing a first date on the lips. You really need to be sure that this intimate gesture will be appreciated; otherwise it could seriously backfire.
Your setting for the kiss also plays a part. We feel more comfortable kissing on a first date in darker surroundings where there is less risk of being spotted. The best things in life are often worth waiting for and so much better when we get them – just like a first kiss after a couple of dates!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)